


i'm not a saint but do I have to be?

by bokeae



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Dan and Phil are teenagers, Dan smiles a lot, M/M, Pining, Popular!Dan, class clown!dan, idk its not angst or smut or whatver, jesus how do i tag this, lowkey pastel dan, no smut literally innocence, prefect!phil, responsible!phil, serious!phil, strict!phil, such gay, teenage!phan, this is just what au is this, troublemaker!dan, what even are tags, what even is fun!phil, you won't find smut even if you squinted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 08:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8155519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokeae/pseuds/bokeae
Summary: Phil's very serious about his role as a prefect and Dan just wants his attention (and some fun).





	

**Author's Note:**

> um idk what i wrote like what even what the frickity frack i got bored ok?
> 
> also my tumblr is [@bokeae](http://bokeae.tumblr.com/) ???ifyouwanttotalk??? why not???
> 
> ALSO [@HEARTBREAKERLESTER](http://heartbreakerlester.tumblr.com/) MADE THIS AMAZING FANART, CHECK IT OUT [HERE](http://heartbreakerlester.tumblr.com/post/169130906885/top-left-you-know-were-on-the-same) !!!
> 
> DOUBLE ALSO @Anya_B made a [russian translation!](https://ficbook.net/readfic/7150981/)

_Howell._

That name left a foul taste in Phil's mouth.

Phil flattened his pristine, white shirt down and fixed his little badge that read 'PREFECT' in block letters. He fixed his dyed black hair- his only act of rebellion (a failed act of rebellion, his parents ended up liking it on him.)

He stood next to the faded lockers, arms folded in front of his chest.

Dan whistled as he fished around for his science book. He picked up a stolen pen instead and decided on an excuse to tell Mrs Pikitis.

He closed the door and turned his attention to Phil, who had been waiting for at least six minutes for his attention.

"Lester." 

Dan was grinning in his cheeky 'I know something you don't' way.

Phil hated that.

"Howell," He grunted.

"Plum?" He held out a fruit but Phil alms slapped it away.

"I know you set fire to the science laboratory," Phil accused.

"As far as I'm concerned, I stopped the fire," Dan grinned.

"You started it."

"I don't remember you being there."

"Well I- technically-"

"I am offended, how dare you accuse me of such thing," Dan said, inhaling sharply and placing a hand to his chest, dramatically. "Set fire to the science laboratory- sure Phil. You think I would do such thing?"

Dan didn't let Phil answer.

"Now excuse me, I have a medal to collect for 'courageous display is heroism,'" Dan said and Phil scrunched up his face in anger.

"We both know you started the fire." Phil hissed.

"Ok but I put it out too."

"So you admit you started it?"

"Sure. What are you gonna do about it? Tell the Principal?"

"I just might." Phil held his head high.

"Right, good luck with that."

Phil had complained about Dan the second he had been chosen as a prefect. 

"We'll see what we can do about it." the Year Advisor brushed him away. Then Phil complained again because Dan had stolen all the art brushes. Then he complained again because Dan spiked the punch at Homecoming. Then he complained because Dan graffitied 'a bunch of dicks and badly written insults on the boys toilets.' Mrs Watson told him off for swearing.

"What? Dick? If you see what he wrote-"

"Phil, I'd appreciate it if you used the respectable term."

"Penis? I- ok, well he's written about-"

"Phil, janitors gonna clean it up anyways, you need to stop complaining every time Dan does something. Relax, you take your job as a prefect too seriously."

Phil grumbled under his breath when he walked out.

"Seems like you're quite obsessed with me." Dan spoke up. Phil took a few steps back out of fright when he found him resting against the wall next to the room.

"I- you- Howell!" 

Phil didn't tell the Principal about the whole 'setting fire to labs' situation but he glared at Dan every chance he got.

"I'm the face of justice." Phil had started off and Dan rolled his eyes because it was the same speech over and over again. "And I hope you remember my face when you do something evil and unjustly because I'm disappointed in you- and I hope the guilt and shame of your actions sink in- are you mouthing along with me?"

"Why are you staring so intently on my mouth?"

"Not intently I- no! You're distracting me, where was I up to? I hope the guilt and shame of your actions sink in-"

"-and for the sake of your conscious, I hope at the end of the day, you amend your mistakes." Dan finished off. Phil blinked a few times. 

The bell rang and instead of class, everyone headed to the hall for assembly.

Phil's eyes were trained on Dan's when Principal Walkens started talking about bravery and flammable objects.

Phil glared at Dan when he was called up. His fingers curled into fists as Dan hi fived everyone in the way. Phil grumbled to himself when Principal Walkens wound a gold medal around his neck.

His glare on Dan intensified and Dan looked around for Phil who was sat on the chairs with the other prefects and teachers. Dan smirked and winked.

Speeches weren't compulsory but Dan was a dramatic lil shit and it annoyed Phil to bits.

"It's really not necessary-" Principal Walkens tried to whisper when Dan walked up to the little podium. 

"Sir, I saved science with my courage, I think this calls for a very pretentious speech." Dan said and Principal Walkens handed him the mic. And he talked about his own bravery and the future of the kids.

"I would like to thank my mum, for birthing me. I would like to thank my dad, for helping my mum birth me. I would like to thank Jesus because I have manners and Phil." Dan smirked, eyes trained on the black haired prefect by the window, "I would like to thank Phil for the motivation."

If Dan squinted, he could see smoke coming out of Phil's ears.

To annoy Phil even further, he recited the speech Phil gave him every time he did something mildly wild.

"I am the face of justice, he had once said- well he says it all the time," Dan said and everyone snickered at Phil's red expression, "And I hope you remember my face when you do something evil..."

"And Phil, he's the irrelevant prefect, by the way, in case you were new-" Dan turned to look at the new girl sitting by the front. She blinked and blushed and Dan winked with a grin, "He has no faith in me at all. His words have got me thinking that _yes_ , yes I would like to be a better person, yes I want to amend my mistakes and become the hero he's failed to become-" He paused for laughter, "So thank you Philip Lester, for pushing me into this path of righteousness. Love you." And Dan blew him a kiss.

Phil was _fuming_ , His chest was heaving from how deeply he was breathing.

"That's enough, Dan, go back to your seat." Principal Walkens said and Dan grinned. He held out a peace sign before settling on the seat next to the new girl, Rena.

"Like my speech?" He asked, slinging an arm around her frame. She giggled and tilted her head.

"You ok Phil? You want to go outside?" Dan heard Mrs Hurley ask.

"Dan didn't even put out the bloody fire- that son of a bitch started it! Aren't you lot even concerned to how it started? Like suddenly, there's fire. Where'd it come from? Why is it there? Dan started it, he-"

"Phil! That's enough! Aren't you tired of this accusation business you have with Dan? Not everything is his fault. Go outside, we need to talk." Mrs Hurley said and Phil grumbled loudly.

Dan was grinning smugly from his spot. Phil scrunched up his face in anger. Dan cooed and Phil pouted even more. Dan waved a goodbye as the door shut and Principal Walkens continued with his announcements.

"He needs to get rid of the stick up his ass." Rena scoffed and Dan tutted.

"Don't be like that." Dan defended lightly, "It would be boring if he wasn't so easily provoked, you know?"

"He's boring." Rena rolled her eyes. Dan shrugged, "Was there a time when he was fun?"

"Not as far as I'm concerned." Dan giggled.

Lunch approached and Dan volunteered to show Rena around. 

"Library- where Phil lives." Dan said, gesturing to the tall building. "Also he puts suggestion boxes everywhere so it's kinda fun to count how many boxes you can find. I swear he adds new ones everyday." 

"I counted about five."

"Should be 13." Dan said as they walked in. Phil was with the librarian who was printing out what looked like flyers for Phil.

"Planning to run for president or something?" Dan asked and Phil inhaled icily.

"No- oh my God, should we have that in our school? Student president, they have that in America right?" Phil neatly cut out a strip of paper and wrote neatly. He folded it carefully and placed it in the suggestion box next to him.

"Are you- oh my God, this is precious, are you- I can't even pick out the right words," Dan said through laughter, "You're writing a suggestion for your own suggestion box? What, students don't suggest anything so you have to write ideas down yourself?" Dan cackled.

Phil glared at him for a few seconds, "Well someone has to!"

"It's the same as commenting on your own photo on Instagram or something." Dan snorted. "Anyways, Rena, let me officially introduce you to Phil. He's important here."

'Thought I was the 'irrelevant prefect,'" Phil rolled his eyes.

"You're plenty irrelevant but you're special to me." Dan said dramatically. 

"Sod off." Phil sighed. He held out a hand for Rena, "You're Rena right? Nice to meet you. I'm sure Dan's doing an _excellent_ job in being your tour guide." Phil said sarcastically.

"Absolutely no faith in me."

"I mean, you did set the science laboratory on fire." Phil shrugged.

"I heroically put it out. If you don't believe me, talk to my gold medal." Dan said, taking out his medal from under his shirt. Phil sighed and leaned against the wall next to the printer. "Ok, look, it even has my name engraved on it, how neat is that?" 

Dan pushed himself into Phil's space, pushing him even farther into the wall. Dan's body was pressed against his as he showed the medal. Phil inhaled sharply.

"Isn't it neat, Phil?" Dan asked slowly and softer.

"Yeah it's...nice, I guess- but heh, not like you deserve it or anything."

"You're never gonna let it go, are you?" Dan asked.

"No but it would be nice if you let me go." Phil said before pushing him away. He grabbed his printed sheets and gave Dan a steely glare. He turned to Rena. "Welcome to Arcadia."

Phil stormed away and no, Dan was not staring at his ass.

**\--*--**

The chairs were gone.

Phil stared at his class and everyone giggled to themselves.

"What the- Howell!" It was instinct at this point. Dan laughed.

"Wasn't me." He choked between laughs. 

"Oh really-?"

"Sir, does this mean we get a free period?" Rena asked. Mr Harris scratched his bald spot before sighing.

"You know what? I don't have time for this, do whatever." Mr Harris sighed, "We'll start after recess, seeing how we have a double period."

Everyone placed themselves down on the floor and took out their phones and started talking.

Phil stood up straight and stood by Mr Harris's desk.

"You can't do that, we have a curriculum- if we fall behind then we won't be able to-"

"Phil, literally no one cares about French. Plus, we're ahead of everyone, it won't hurt to not do work."

"I care about French!" Phil stomped his foot down. He sighed, knowing it was pointless, "Aren't you gonna punish Howell? Dan, I mean?" 

Phil turned around to see Dan already staring at him, smirk occupying his lips.

"Why?"

"He stole the chairs."

"How do you know?" Mr Harris asked.

"I just do! My Dan senses are tingling."

"You named a sense after me? How...romantic," Dan giggled.

"Did you steal the chairs, Daniel?" Mr Harris asked. Dan shook his head but his eyes said otherwise, atlas, to Phil.

"Do you not see his eyes? They're like- I dunno, why's he so smug? Why are you so smug, Howell? Did you do something? Steal chairs perhaps?"

Dan laughed, it was amusing to see Phil so angry over stolen chairs. "Always so suspicious of me, Phil. Hey, maybe I look smug because that's just my face."

"Phil, your obsession with Dan needs to stop. You need to calm down." Mr Harris said and Phil blushed red.

"Obsession?!"

The class was snickering by now, except for Dan, who was laughing to tears.

"I am not obsessed with Dan- how could you say that?! I- Grr!" Phil scrunched his face again and growled.

"Sit down Phil."

Phil sat down while he grumbled and glared at Dan.

"Why do you wind up Phil like that?" Rena asked, finding Phil's glares a little concerning. Dan laughed.

"It's funny!" He said. He looked at Phil again, "Plus it's cute, how he scrunches up his face when he's angry- see! Ok but look," Dan pointed at Phil's scrunched up face. Phil blinked as the two stared at him curiously.

"What?" He asked, "What."

Dan grinned.

**\--*--**

Sports. Phil hated it.

He still had to do it, even if he was a prefect.

He yelped when Dan tackled him to the ground. They rolled around on the floor as Phil tried to get him off and Dan tried to cling on.

"Get off! I don't even have the ball!" Phil yelled, spitting out grass. Dan chuckled as he got up. 

"I know."

He got in trouble for unnecessarily tackling Phil. He ended up sitting out in the bleachers.

He watched Phil try to stay away from the ball and cower the second it came near him.

And it made Phil feel nervous, to have Dan watch him intently.

When Peter threw him the ball, Dan screamed out a "Go Phil!" It threw him off guard and four boys ended up tackling him.

"Jesus Phil, at least move!" Coach Sinclair yelled. "Sit out unless you have to go to the nurse."

"I'm fine."

"Well if you're fine then you won't mind continuing the game." He spat. Phil looked over at Dan who was staring right back. 

"I'll sit out."

"Ok, now the teams are even."

Phil sighed and sat as far away as Dan as he could.

Dan shuffled closer until Phil slid away.

It was the same pattern until Phil fell off the bench as he had shuffled too far. Dan chuckled.

"Can't run from me."

"Go away, shoo, begone." Phil said, waving his hand away. 

"If you want me gone then so be it." He came back before Phil could sigh. "You're stuck with me for thirty more minutes."

He wasn't because Coach Sinclair called them back in after five minutes of Dan annoying Phil.

"You both talk too much."

"I wasn't even talking!" Phil yelled.

"Well good for you." Coach rolled his eyes, "Alright, give Phil a chance now, don't tackle him immediately-" He turned to Dan who blushed with a grin. 

Dan tackled him anyways, half because he was told not to but also because he liked wrapping his arms around Phil.

"Dan! You can't do that! I don't have the ball, you can't tackle me unless I have the ball." Phil said. Dan turned and made eye contact with the team. They smirked, some rolled their eyes and others just nodded.

"Ok, sure, that's fair." Dan said, sounding like he was up to something.

The second Coach blew the whistle, the ball flew straight to Phil. No one made a move and Dan tackled him. 

And that happened a dozen times in a row.

"Can you stop him or something? This is getting out of hand!" Phil complained.

"Well, you have the ball, what's he gonna do? Let you score a touchdown. Rugby's not that easy."

"The team's doing this on purpose!"

"That's not my problem, Phil."

And they passed Phil the ball again and Phil was already used to Dan tackling him at this point.

He sighed as he laid on the grass with Dan on top of him, doing absolutely nothing for the ball still in Phil's grasp.

Phil sighed but it didn't matter how much he'd complain. Dan would always tackle him.

Dan stuck out his tongue and laughed.

\--*--

Dan spammed Phil's suggestion boxes with 'VALENTINES DANCE!' 

Phil had been ecstatic to find his boxes brimming with new suggestions. It was disappointing to see the same thing scrawled in a familiar handwriting.

It was a joke at first but people started to agree to it.

"I want to organise a dance for Valentines day." Phil finally said to Mrs Watson.

"What? You need to discuss this with the Principal."

And Phil had a heated argument where he slammed his fists down and improvised a speech about young love.

"Ok, ok whatever but you need to organise the whole thing yourself."

"Ok, yes, a hundred percent."

So the next day, he had a neat black notebook and a pen that actually worked. He stuck around flyers for the dance and checked off some things on his little checklist.

"What are you up to now?" Dan asked, leaning on Phil's shoulder. Phil shrugged him off.

"Me? What are _you_ up to?" Phil snapped, finding Dan's curious expression suspicious.

"Many things, actually, planning to vandalise the toilets some more, in case you want to report me early." Dan said. Phil rolled his eyes.

"I'm planning a party." Phil said and Dan gasped in mock surprise.

"Wow, I'm preparing for the poshest thing ever."

"There's going to be punch and a DJ and- and-" Phil sighed, thinking for something that would blow Dan's mind. 

"No alcohol? Phil, _babe_ , no one's gonna show up."

"Don't call me that and yes they will, it's gonna be the best dance ever-" Phil continued, "You wouldn't know, you're not invited."

Dan waved that last remark away.

"So you're doing the Valentines Dance thing I suggested? I wasn't serious, you know." Dan said, eyes lighting up.

"I know but people agreed it would be great so." Phil shrugged. His eyes snapped up, realising how civil and calm this conversation was- a conversation with Dan Howell, the embodiment of mischief. "Well, I must get going- need to report you for vandalism."

"So you _shall_." Dan said, mocking the way Phil talked. Phil huffed before storming away.

Phil managed it in weeks- he was so incredibly proud of himself for pulling it off.

There was pink mood lighting, because Valentines Day. He managed to find pink and red heart balloons and he had looked through his CD's for all the love songs he had. 

He worked hard yet no one showed up.

"Phil, you have to clear things up yourself, seeing how you organised this and pulled me out of a relaxing Friday night." Mrs Morris sighed. Phil had asked her to supervise an clearly, she wasn't happy.

"I'm sorry, Miss." He sighed. 

"It's alright, I'll be out." She tutted and abandoned Phil. Phil was sat on top of the table, eyes trained on the stage where the balloons floated around. He hugged his knees together.

"Told you no one would show up." Came the familiar voice and of course Dan was here at his low moment.

"Ok!" Phil hissed, frustrated already, "Don't rub it in my face."

He avoided the lean frame by the doorway. He listened to Cruel Youth echo around the Hall.

Dan stared at Phil. He sighed and moved to his lonely side.

"Joe threw a party, by the way, with alcohol and implied weed." Dan filled him in, "Nothing personal, just, vodka sounds better than punch."

"Why're you here?" Phil asked.

"Didn't want my favourite person to be alone on Valentines Day." Dan laughed and Phil rolled his eyes but his glare wasn't as steely as before. 

"Oh shut up."

"It's nice." Dan said, looking around, "You did a good job."

"Thanks, I guess."

"Funny how I'm the one person who didn't get an invitation but I'm the only one here." Dan grinned. Phil hummed, not wanting to talk. The heavy feeling of disappointment was a bit too intense. Dan frowned at that.

"Hey, wait five minutes, I'll be back."

He left for ten minutes but Phil waited, he wasn't sure why but he did.

Dan had managed to get the whole of Year 10 and 11 in. They were a little drunk but Phil didn't mind. Mrs Morris was a little shocked to see how many students showed up.

"Thanks by the way!" Phil yelled over the music. Dan grinned and flashed him a wink.

"Dance with me!" Was his way of saying 'no problem.'

"I'm good, really."

The glitter in Dan's eyes dimmed a little.

"You're no fun."

\--*--

Dan had stolen Phil's clothes.

"What the- Howell!" And maybe it was Dan's way of saying his kindness on Valentines Day was a one time thing.

Shirtless Phil groped around for his crisp shirt and black trousers but he didn't find anything.

He heard a fluttering laugh and maybe that was Dan darting around to taunt him. Maybe Dan's laugh was haunting him, Phil would never know.

Phil sighed and spent at least ten minutes looking for his clothes. He sighed and decided he would have o just stick with his PE uniform except that was gone as well.

"What the hell-"

"Lester, get a move on!" His coach yelled from outside.

"Dan stole my clothes." 

He could hear the coach laugh from outside.

"Of course he did, ok I'll go get him."

And Phil was alone again.

"For fuck's sake." Phil said because it was cold but his skin was burning from anger. "For fuck's- ugh!" 

He slammed his fist on the locker and recoiled because it was made from metal. He wondered how long Dan was going to torture him. He walked around, maybe Dan was lurking around the lockers.

"Ayy, almost naked Phil will always hold a special place in my heart." Phil spun around and Dan clicked a photo.

"Hey!" Phil yelled and ran after him.

It's not everyday the school saw their strict 'doesn't know the definition of fun' prefect run around in nothing but boxers.

Dan ran through all the halls, so everyone could catch a glimpse of a fairly naked Lester.

"Howell! You're gonna pay for this! I- slow down-"

"Where's the fun in that?" Dan yelled back and now they were outside, in the oval where a bunch of the school's rugby players were watching. Dan stopped and dodged around Phil who was red.

"Dan, this is humiliating enough, give me back my clothes."

Dan bit his bottom lip.

"I don't have them?" He played innocent.

"Daniel."

"I'm so intimidated."

"It's freezing." Phil said, crossing his arms to preserve heat. Dan laughed.

"Locker 156. Combination is 5326." 

Phil was fuming because it was in the locker room the entire time. 

"Fuck you." Phil spat.

"Honestly wouldn't mind." Dan replied as the rugby players rushed to hi five him.

Phil fumed when he noticed his 'PREFECT' badge glint off of Dan's scuffed shirt.

\--*--

Rena found Dan's stories exhilarating.

"...And then Phil just came out of his house in only his boxers and a Star Wars tee and- ok, I panicked and threw the toilet paper at him." Dan said, talking about the time he tee-peed Phil's house.

"Wow." Rena sighed, tilting her head. "You're so cool, kinda, I dunno- you're so funny."

"Thanks but I can't take all the credit. You should thank Phil for falling for my lame jokes." Dan said.

"Why do you torture the poor guy?" PJ asked, a little annoyed by how Dan practically humiliated and embarrassed the guy. "He missed a couple of days thanks to that stunt you pulled. Doesn't want to show his face, I bet." 

"Why do you care?" Chris asked.

"Because he's my tutor and I don't want to fail my maths test." PJ rolled his eyes, "Plus that was kinda sad."

"You've mellowed." Chris tutted.

Dan grinned and Rena asked him to tell her another story.

"Uh, ok, last year I dirty danced to 'My neck, my back' on stage- gave Phil an aneurysm, see, because he's in charge of the whole Talent Show thing. Happens around the last month of school every year." Dan explained.

"All your fun stories involve Phil- tell me one without Phil." Rena said. Dan swirled his tongue around his mouth, trying not to get offended by that. He shouldn't even feel insulted, he wasn't even sure why that request annoyed him so much.

"Without Phil? Well, you see, there aren't any without Phil." Dan said, "Because I love him too much to exclude him, you know?"

Rena giggled a little which Dan didn't understand because he was kind of serious.

"You're funny, well carry on then, I'll just have to deal with Phil." Rena sighed, playing with the 'PREFECT' badge Dan still had on.

Dan scowled a little, not liking how she talked about Phil.

"Phil's great, strict but he's- he's-" Dan tried to think of a compliment that wasn't too serious or too gay, "Well he looks great in just his boxers."

And they all laughed. 

Phil returned and he was trying his best to keep his head up high.

Everyone laughed around him and he blushed red.

"Yo, Phil, I kept your badge all nice and clean." Dan said, bouncing up to him. Phil's scowl deepened. Dan unclipped it from his shirt and put it on Phil's.

"You're not Phil without the badge-"

"How much trouble did you get in?"

"Suspended, actually. You wouldn't know, you were absent for those days, what's up with that? Embarrassed were you? Aw, don't be, I put in a good word for y-"

Phil walked away.

\--*--

It was fine after a few weeks. Phil didn't scowl and ignore Dan, he started yelling at him again. Dan didn't tread around thin ice around him, he continued causing trouble.

Phil opened his locker and yoghurt spurted out, coating him in white.

Everyone laughed around him and he huffed. And before Dan could make a smart comment about it, Phil smeared it over him. 

Dan stared at his dirtied shirt with a gaping jaw.

"Did you just-?"

He flicked more at Phil who just nuzzled his head into the crook of his neck, coating his sides with yoghurt.

But Dan was laughing because holy fuck, did this mean Phil had a sense of humour.

Phil wasn't scowling, there was a concentrated smile playing on his lips.

And Dan was staring instead of doing anything, he was trying to remember the last time Phil actually smiled.

Then he realised Phil never smiled with him.

So he just stopped and stared because Phil looked pretty when he smiled.

Phil didn't notice, he was too busy getting the yoghurt off go him and on Dan.

"Jesus Phil, calm down, will you?" Rena snapped, tugging Dan away from the yoghurt. Dan let out a harsh laugh.

"Live a little, Rena."

Phil cleared his throat.

"She's right, no, yeah-" Phil said and he went searching for new sets of clothes.

Rena had been trying to get close to Dan.

("Weather's quite chilly, ain't it?" Dan had asked and Rena answered with an overly enthusiastic "Weather! I love the weather, we have so much in common." Dan raised an eyebrow but shrugged it off.)

Rena had read through 20 articles on how to 'win your crush's heart in three easy steps!'

Rena had straightened her hair because she had heard someone say Dan liked girls with straight hair.

"Who said that? I don't date people based off the shape of their hair, that's ridiculous." Dan laughed when Rena subtle asked him what his preferences were. 

"So what do you look for in a girl?" She asked.

"I dunno, a girl?" He shrugged, "Like, if you're a girl or Phil then hey, I'll date you." And he had been staring atPhil who had walked past. Phil looked over his shoulder and stared at him in flustered confusion just as Dan winked.

He crashed into someone and spilled their pasta.

Rena laughed because that was a joke right?

"I'm kidding." Dan said and Rena's smile dimmed. Now she wasn't sure which part of his statement he had been kidding about.

\--*--

Rena tried to kiss Dan by the lockers.

Dan was tripping Phil and commenting about his ass loudly when he bent down to pick up his books. Phil replied with a detention (apparently he was allowed to hand detention slips out, that privilege came with his badge. He never used the detention slips, the teachers usually took care of Dan.)

Rena laughed with Dan when Phil left. She looked at the detention slip Phil practically threw at him.

"Shut up, I'm actually going." He said.

"It's not official, what." She said, "You don't have to. They're crappy detentions Phil holds himself, it's weird." 

"I mean, Phil's gonna be there so it's bound to be fun." He said, not sounding sarcastic at all.

And they were aimlessly chatting and Dan swore he wasn't flirting whatsoever when Rena lunged up to press her lips against his.

Dan dodged it, falling into his locker almost. Rena stared at him, cheeks red and expression confused.

"Sorry, I'm sorry I- I don't- I like someone else." Dan explained. "It's nothing personal just- I dunno, I'm sorry."

"Jeez, it's ok, calm yourself." Rena rolled her eyes at how flustered Dan was at his own rejection, "Who? Who do you like?"

"I- now where's the mystery in me just telling you?"

Dan laughed, albeit awkwardly. 

Rena narrowed her eyes and looked around the halls.

\--*--

Rena had been quiet most days, mostly because she had been trying to figure out who Dan seemed to like.

It had been no use, really because Dan treated everyone exactly the same.

He joked with all the girls, he was playful with all the guys- Rena even looked at his behaviour around teachers.

He treated everyone like his friend- except Phil.

Rena wasn't sure how he treated Phil, Phil was an entire different story.

Dan had knocked over Phil's books again and he was bending over again.

Rena listened to him make a comment about his butt again and she watched him stare at his ass with no sense of subtlety.

Her eyes widened, everything seemed so clear now. 

Phil pushed a detention slip into his face.

"I'll be there." Dan said, biting the end of his pen with a dreamy look on his face.

Rena gasped and it was a bit too loud. Phil turned and looked at her in concern.

"Dan likes you!" She exclaimed in realisation. Dan laughed, tone playful.

"Of course I like Phil," Dan rolled his eyes, "It'd be weird if I didn't like my lover." He pawed at Phil's shoulder.

Phil flinched away with a loud "Eugh, don't refer to me as your lover ever."

He tutted and stalked away.

"You like Lester." Rena repeated.

"Sure, yes."

His tone was playful and Rena was more confused than ever.

"Do you?" She asked, not sure if he was serious.

"Yeah." He grinned, "Love him."

And his tone never strayed.

"Ok."

Maybe Dan just liked messing with Phil.

**\--*--**

Dan was peeking through the cluster of books in the library and of course his gaze was focused on Phil who was sat on the tables, lecturing a couple of year 8's.

Rena flicked through her French dictionary because Google translate wasn't reliable and Dan wanted an excuse to stare at Phil.

Rena recited some French but Dan wasn't listening. Phil was reciting his speech again and Dan was mouthing along.

"Doesn't know the words to the National Anthem but Phil's speech, yes, you can recite it backwards." Rena rolled her eyes and Dan chuckled. Dan tilted his head, watching the year 8's scurry away because Phil was plenty intimidating when he had more than just his boxers on.

"How long have you liked him?" Rena asked.

"For as long as I've been messing with him." Dan said, with a dreamy look, almost. He looked back at Phil who was staring right back.

Dan pushed the books so it toppled. He grinned at Phil through the shelf.

"Hi." He waved and Phil growled.

The librarian asked Phil to clean up the mess because she was growing blind and Dan was pretty much camouflaged in his black jacket that was surely against uniform policies.

Rena bit her bottom lip but she grinned at how Dan's eyes lit up when Phil acknowledged him.

Even though Phil was yelling and huffing.

**\--*--**

Now that Rena _knew_ , everything was different.

Everything Dan did was somehow different.

When Dan would wait by Phil's locker to tell him about how he didn't put grounded chilli in the baked potato the cook was serving, he wasn't mocking Phil or annoying him. No, he was just trying to get Phil's attention.

When Dan would make comments about how 'nice Phil's hair looks today, oh gosh,' or how 'his new shirt makes him look taller, don't you think?' Rena would always think he was mocking Phil and Rena would snicker when Phil would rush to the toilets to fix his hair or shirt. Now she would smile a little because Dan genuinely did think Phil had the prettiest eyes.

When Dan would spam his suggestion boxes with random compliments and notes, Rena would coo because it was cute in this context. Rena caught Phil reading through them at lunch and at first he scoffed and rolled his eyes but he continued with the faintest of smiles.

Dan couldn't pull all those things off with a playful tone anymore because Rena knew and every time his gaze on Phil lingered, he would turn to a smirking Rena and blush pink.

"Stop it." He waved her away.

"What? I didn't do anything."

"That look, just because you _know_..."

"I don't _know_ anything."

Dan smiled and shook his head.

"So what's your latest Phil Lester compliment?" Chris asked, teasingly when Phil walked by the cafeteria.

"The prettiest of smiles, if he smiled but he has a neat scowl too." Dan said and Rena grinned.

Phil snorted when he walked past.

**\--*--**

Phil didn't like how Rena stopped snickering and started smiling fondly every time he passed Dan. He could deal with snickering Rena but her smirks were strange. It was as if she knew something.

And he was muttering to himself when he popped open his locker and fished out his speech for assembly. He turned to see Dan's little group standing around, talking. He raised an eyebrow when he found Dan's stare focussed on Phil himself. 

Phil frowned because Dan's look was different. It was fond almost and Phil asked himself if Dan looked at him like that when he wasn't looking. 

Dan's gaze snapped away and a blush dusted his cheeks.

Phil bit his bottom lip.

"Hey Lester." Rena said instead and she shared a look with Dan which drove Phil a little insane. Were they planning something?

Phil's face was scrunched up in confusion, especially when Dan greeted him again, for the eighth time that day.

"Assembly next period, um, don't forget." Phil said.

Dan always stared at assembly. Phil was used to it, maybe. He always avoided Dan's stare when he gave his announcements.

Principal Walkens talked about uniform and truancy. Then he called Phil in to talk about No Uniform Day and a few excursions.

"And it's required to bring in a gold coin and the money would go to fundraisers and-" He made eye contact with Dan, "-and, um, and it would be good for the Science department who has decided to host a fair- wait what?"

Everyone laughed as he messed up his announcements. Dan smirked fondly.

Phil's eyes met Dan's again and he fumbled with the papers.

"Jesus, ok, wait- you're not allowed to wear anything provocative or anything that promotes anything bad." He continued with his announcements.

"Gonna wear my new beret." Rena said.

"Gonna go pastel." Dan said.

"What?"

"Every year I try a different theme. Last year I went full goth but Phil made me take out the magnetic gauges." Dan said, "Do you have a flower crown I can borrow?"

"Careful, Phil might confiscate that."

Dan laughed, "He's gonna confiscate my my collar that says 'Daddy.'"

"Does it really."

"Got it for Phil."

Rena laughed.

**\--*--**

Phil didn't confiscate the collar, he just choked on his own spit.

"I mean I used to call my dad, daddy. What's wrong with that?" Dan asked when Phil tried to take it away. "It's innocent."

"Not in that context."

"What context are you thinking in?" Dan asked, pulling at his light pink sweater.

"I- um- ok, fine, whatever."

Phil stared a bit too much but Dan didn't care.

He 'dropped' his books 'accidentally' and he bent down to fetch them.

Dan could hear the choking noises Phil made from a mile away. And the shuffling when Phil walked into people in order to leave the scene.

He laughed and Rena talked about how Phil was redder than the cherries Dan had on his shirt.

**\--*--**

"It's tradition to tee-pee Phil's house on Halloween." Dan said, buying a huge pack of toilet paper. He shoved them in Chris's ute and helped Rena on. "What are you dressed as?"

"Anti-sexy Harley Quinn." Rena answered. Dan was quite impressed with the fake bruises and cuts. "Training to be an professional SFX makeup artist."

"Did a great job." Dan nodded.

"What are you?"

"Phil." Dan answered, as if it was obvious. He straightened his white shirt that he bleached. Rena touched the 'PREFECT' badge and the black wig. "I would've gotten contacts but eh."

"Did you draw moles in?" Rena laughed.

"Duh." Dan rolled his eyes, "He also has this weird diamond scar on his thigh."

"What the hell? How do you know that?"

"I sometimes peek in the changing room." He admitted, shyly, "Well not sometimes." Dan corrected, "And I don't peek either, I'm sure it's full on staring."

"That's weird."

"I can't help it, he's hot, ok?"

Dan said as Chris drove them to Phil's house.

They began furling the rolls of toilet paper at his house, laughing when it covered Phil's window.

"I told you it was Dan! Why do you never listen to me?!" Dan turned around and Phil hurled himself at the boy.

Dan told Rena to run and she jumped into the the hedge next door.

Phil kept saying how the rugby practices paid off as he sat on top of Dan.

"Ok, calm down Phil." Mr Lester said. he turned to Dan, "Are you dressed up as Phil?"

Dan grinned.

And he didn't get into that much trouble because Mr Lester had good sense of humour and he promised him he would refrain from tee-peeing Phil's house the next year.

Phil was still on him, mostly because he was thinking of a punishment.

"You're still, like, sitting on me-"

"Shut up! My dad's too soft, you have like, ten detentions."

Dan bit his bottom lip.

"I don't mind." And his voice was soft but Phil didn't care.

"It starts now! I'm gonna sit on you- for- for, um, forever."

Dan laughed a little.

"Such a horrid punishment."

So Phil straddled him until he calmed down. Or until he decided Dan shouldn't be stroking the exposed patch of his back like that.

**\--*--**

Phil had been yapping about CPR for about a week. 

"Students should learn how to do this! It's important, what if someone, I dunno, collapses?" He had complained to Mrs Watson.

"Jesus, Phil, no one's collapsed and the teachers know what to do."

"What if the teachers aren't around?"

"Then get a teacher."

"You're wasting precious time!"

"Goodbye Phil."

And he made a big scene about it in Theory classes and assemblies.

"Not now, Phil."

"CPR could save a life, all you have to do is-"

"Phil..."

"Can I get a volunteer?" Phil yelled and of course Dan raised his hand.

"Phil, go outside." Principal Walkens sighed when Phil interrupted the assemblies.

The school was giggling about it and sometimes people pretended to collapse. 

Another week later, Dan decided to collapse in the cafeteria. People gasped, some over dramatically and those were the people who didn't make the drama team. 

"Phil! You know CPR!" Rena yelled and Jack laughed lightly. He muttered something about this 'being brilliant.'

And Phil was panicking because yeah, he knew CPR but there was a lot of pressure now.

He knelt next to Dan and tried to think clearly.

"Shit, shit, recovery position, uh, do I pinch? Why would I do that- Jesus Phil." He muttered to himself. He should've done a bunch of things before mouth to mouth but he was panicked and his mind was blank.

So he pinched Dan's nose together and gently opened his mouth. After muttering encouragement under his breath, he leaned in.

He should've noticed how hard Dan was trying not to laugh or how he blinked rapidly.

Dan made a soft noise and shoved his tongue in Phil's mouth. Before Phil could squeal and flinch away, Dan flung his arms around his neck and pulled him in, deeper.

Everyone catcalled and whistled and laughed. Dan snickered in Phil's mouth.

Phil ripped himself away and jumped backwards. He looked mortified and he wiped at his mouth. Everyone's laughter echoed around his ears.

Dan stuck out his tongue but his playful look faltered when Phil's horrified look didn't waver.

"Lighten up, Lester."

That kiss was just the cherry on top and Phil had never yelled so much.

Spittle was flying out, his eyebrows were arched dangerously and he was so angry. He would've punched Dan but his fists were quivering.

"That wasn't consensual!" Dan caught in his rant and his smile faded away. "Respect, it's not a hard concept to grasp. You show everyone that but not me?!" Dan bit his bottom lip in guilt.

"I do respect you-"

"Doesn't matter anyways, you're just gonna tee-pee my house again, huh? Gonna vandalise my locker? Steal my clothes and leave me in the cold?" Phil spat, "Doesn't matter, I'm done anyways."

And he stormed away.

People snorted and called Phil's rant an 'over exaggeration.' They hi fived Dan but Dan didn't return any gestures.

He was still sat on the floor, the yelling replaying in his head.

**\--*--**

Dan tried to smile at Phil the next day but Phil just turned the other way.

It wasn't like his usual ignoring. He didn't scoff and overly roll his eyes. He didn't even scowl, he just ran away.

And it continued. Whenever Dan would come near, he would leave.

"I fucked up." Dan said when he waited by Phil's locker. He didn't show up.

"Yeah." Rena sighed, "I knew you shouldn't have pulled that CPR stunt."

"You can't say 'I told you so' I'm sad." Dan sighed.

"I didn't say that."

"It was implied."

Dan tried to go back to normal. He wrote 'your ugly' on the toilet walls because bad grammar pissed Phil off and so did vandalism.

Phil didn't say anything about it.

Dan watched him notice the graffiti, he watched him wash it off because the janitors have been neglecting their duty.

When Dan got in trouble in front of the whole school, Phil didn't even snicker or look smug. He just sat in his chair and stare at the wall opposite. Dan got in trouble because he wasn't paying attention, he was too busy willing Phil to at least acknowledge him.

Dan was out skipping classes and Phil bumped into him. It was the first time Dan's seen Phil up close that month.

Phil didn't yell at him or turn red. He didn't even scrunch up his face in that way he thought was intimidating but was cute instead. He just walked past Dan, not even telling him to go to class.

Dan went to class anyways, he felt guilty.

**\--*--**

"He's sad." Rena sighed, looking at Phil from across the yard. "Took his badge off once."

Dan groaned.

"I'm so sorry!" He yelled.

"Why're you telling me?" She rolled her eyes.

"I don't know, I can't tell him because I'm scared and he's sad and if I'm there, he'll be more sad and I hate sad Phil." Dan said, looking so frustrated.

"Well, ok, calm down, don't cry." Rena patted his shoulder. Dan buried his face in his arms. 

"He leaves the second he sees me, Rena." Dan said, looking heart broken almost. "And he's not even getting me in trouble anymore!"

"Yeah? Haven't noticed." Rena rolled her eyes.

"I was smoking. He saw. He walked past." Dan said. "I stole his books. He changed lockers. And then I got in trouble because Mrs Watson thought that would make him feel better."

Rena tutted.

"And I got in so much trouble in the past month and he hasn't even looked at me." Dan said until he was almost sobbing. Then he was sobbing, out of pure frustration and he hated seeing Phil look so empty.

"I want him to scowl at me again. Frown, do something, Lester!" Dan whined, "I want him to smile when I make a bad joke in class and then scowl because he wouldn't be caught laughing at my jokes. I want him to pretend not to listen to my stories in class and scoff every time he heard his name."

Rena smiled softly.

"Maybe." She started, "Maybe if you weren't so, I dunno, mean, he'd look at you."

"I'm not mean."

"No, I mean like, if you didn't cause trouble." She suggested, "Like, if you were gentler."

"Ok, ok, that's a great idea." He said, "And for the sake of your conscious, I hope at the end of the day, you amend your mistakes." Dan quoted.

Dan ran to Phil's side. He was reading a book calmly.

"I-" Dan started. He slid in next to Phil. He hated how Phil tensed up. "I'm so sorry."

Phil didn't say anything. Didn't look at Dan.

"I-I miss you." 

He tried to hold Phil's hand. He brushed his over Phil's but that caused Phil to abruptly stand up and leave.

**\--*--**

Dan had never been so determined.

He asked the school's cook for Phil's lunch order and an extra bottle of chocolate milk.

He gently set it down in front of Phil. He looked up, confused.

"Your, um, lunch, I thought it-"

"Already ate."

He left.

But it was ok because Dan had neatly organised Phil's locker.

Phil looked annoyed and he told Dan to go away when he found him lurking in the corners.

Phil found it pathetic at first. The little apologies written everywhere. The extra work Dan was doing for Phil.

Phil thought Dan would go away after a few days, he had a short attention span anyways but no.

Dan was determined.

And maybe Phil saved the apology letter Dan printed in blue because he knew it was Phil's favourite colour.

**\--*--**

"Do you have a pen, Stacy?" Phil asked but there was a loud crash instead. Phil turned to see Dan throwing his chair down and emptying his pencil case for his best pen.

Dan rushed to his side with the pen before Stacy could even look at her pencil case. 

"Uh, here Phil."

He tried to act nonchalant but he could feel his stomach whizzing when Phil tried to hide his smile. He covered his mouth but his eyes seemed to glitter in appreciation.

"Thanks."

And it had been going on after the holidays. Two months and three days.

"I'm sorry." Dan said because it's become an instinct now. Phil looked away.

Stacy behind him sighed because it was cute.

"Oh come on Phil, make up with your boyfriend already." She smacked his shoulder lightly.

"He's not me- we're not-"

Dan didn't make a joke about it. He didn't even smirk.

"You can keep that pen, by the way, I- uh, my best pen, heh, you deserve the finest." Dan chuckled awkwardly, knocking his knuckles against his shoulder but he pulled back quickly, "Sorry, didn't uh- sorry."

He got in trouble for making a mess out of his desk and dawdling in class.

"He's really sorry, you know." Stacy commented behind Phil, "I mean, my boyfriend wouldn't, like, I dunno, do all that if I was mad at him. He would try, for a day, that is. Howell's been going at it forever, it's March already."

"Yeah, well." Phil faltered, "He kissed me without asking and it sounds dumb-"

"Nah, consent is important." She shook her head, "Funny how he wouldn't kiss any girl- basically hid in his locker when I tried to kiss him- but he jumped at any opportunity to kiss you." She huffed.

Phil rolled his eyes at that but it stuck to him for days.

"Um." Phil started, looking at Rena in the eye, "Does Dan, like, um, like me?"

"Why else do you think he used to mess with you?"

**\--*--**

The school had moved the Talent Show on April 1st. It had a comedy theme which Dan was thrilled about.

He looked at the queue of people who wanted to participate. He watched Phil write down names and their acts. He looked up when Dan cleared his throat.

"Dan." Dan said when Phil asked for his name with a soft smirk, "Um, singing, I guess."

"You're not gonna sing Deepthroat or anything and grind on me? Last year was bit-"

"No, I'm tame this year."

"What song?"

"All apologies." Dan said, "Nirvana."

Phil stared at him for a while.

"Is this about me?"

"Not everything's about you." Dan laughed but bit his bottom lip because _yes, it was_. Phil's look softened.

"Maybe you'll win this year, all the determinations gotta have a good outcome." Phil wasn't talking about the Talent Show.

"I hope." Dan wasn't talking about the show either.

Dan moved to the side and Phil wrote down the next person's name who admitted he would sing Teenagers by MCR.

"It's inappropriate." Phil shook his head.

"You're a buzzkill."

"Don't you mean killjoy?" Dan offered and the guy snickered.

"How do you do it, man? You sang 'My neck, my back.'" He shook his head, "Lester has a soft spot for you, don't he?" He scoffed and left.

Phil was smiling a little.

**\--*--**

" _What else should I be_

  
_All apologies_

  
_What else should I say_

  
_Everyone is gay_."

Dan sang, eyes trained on Phil but everyone was laughing. Phil looked at him and Dan smiled a little because at least he wasn't being avoided.

"Ok, nevermind, I pick another song, PJ, change it to the other one." Dan shouted and PJ, the guy who was in charge of the music quickly changed it.

"... _And I hope you know,_

  
_You never left my head,_

  
_And if I ever let you down,_

  
_I'm sorry_."

 

And his eyes were trained on Phil's who was grinning behind his hand. People were staring at Phil too, admiring their exchange.

Phil was smiling widely and Dan might've called him beautiful in the middle of him singing.

Phil blushed red.

The bell rang, signalling the end of the day and Dan pulled Phil aside.

"Phil I'm really sorry about the whole CPR stunt thing, it was so fucking stupid and no Phil, I'm not going to calm down because I fucking miss you Phil and I want you to yell at me again and be all mad and cute and please stop frowning because that makes me frown and I'm trying to amend my mistakes, I'm so-"

Phil pecked his cheek.

"It's, um, ok. If you want to kiss me next time, you can just ask."

"Next time?" Dan asked with a growing smirk. Phil shuffled in his spot, bottom lip caught between his teeth. "Can I cash in that promise now?"

**\--*--**

"You're wearing the wrong uniform." Phil said, leaning against Dan's locker. Dan poked out his tongue.

"I was wondering how long it'd take you to notice."

"Is that why you do it?" Phil asked, "Why you cause trouble? So I'd notice?"

"If that wasn't blindingly obvious."

"Nothings obvious with you." Phil ducked his head. Dan bit at his pen.

"So I'm obviously wearing the wrong uniform." Dan started, watching Phil's eyes sweep down to the black skinny jeans he wasn't meant to wear. He bit his bottom lip, eyes trained on how the jeans hugged Dan's figure perfectly. "What are you gonna do about it?"

Phil stopped raking his eyes down, instead he stared into Dan's eyes.

"Detention, after school, meet me in the parking lot."

Phil wrote down a little slip for Dan, drawing in a messy love heart too.

"I'll be there." 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote a smaller one shot as a sequel [why don't we crash and burn tonight?](http://ecstasin.tumblr.com/post/152764917461/why-dont-we-crash-and-burn-tonight)
> 
> let me know your thoughts!


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